Jared & Chelsea

Jared
“I hate Spike.”

“That’s right, get it all out there!” I clapped my newfound best friend, Connor, on the shoulder.

“But I don’t actually hate Spike!”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t!” He protested.

“Then why’d you come to my apartment?” I was puzzled.
He groaned with frustration. “You cut me off with your stupid pep-talk-mumbo-jumbo, whatever the hell that was.”

“Hey! That was some very effective stress-relieving tip I picked up off a self-help CD.”

“Uh-huh.” He rolled his eyes. “Look, you’re obviously not gonna be much help, so I’m lea-” Just as he made the move to walk out the door, I grabbed his arm.

“I can help you get her.”

“What?!” He started a bit, flushed red. “How’d you know about Celeste?!”

I smirked. “I never said ‘Celeste’, now did I?”

He sighed. “Well, it’s out in the open now....”

Apparently, the guy was suffering from that thing they call Love At First Sight. Well, after a long-time, well-nourished crush on a certain blonde-haired actress. He’d first walked to my room in somewhat of a stupor, and I guess I did jump the gun a bit when I made him do the whole “Repeat After Me” thing halfway through his first sentence...

“Spike can be kind of annoying sometimes. But, guess what? I just met the most-”

“Repeat after me!”

...so that was kind of messy. But, hey, at least it’s all in the open now.

“How’d you know I liked Celeste anyway?” Connor frowned in confusion.

“Oh, well, you walked in in a daze, with the grin of an infatuated idiot, the look I sometimes catch on men’s faces when Adriana walks into the room, so, you know, I just guessed.”

“Adriana?!”

“Yeah, long story cut short: she changes men more often than you take off your clothes. And you’re an Abercrombie & Fitch model.”
He laughed at that. “Well, back to my problem...”

“Hm... I know!”

“What?!” He looked up excitedly. “It’s Halloween soon, isn’t it?” He nodded. “Well, Aladdin Towers hosts a Halloween masked ball every year. I’ll find a way to get Celeste decked out like Cinderella... get her to the ball a bit later than usual... factor in some glass slippers...”

“And I can be Prince Charming!”

I winked, “Fast on the uptake, hm?” and chuckled at my little sexual joke. Maxine would’ve been proud.

“Okay, great! Thanks for the help!” Connor made the move to leave again, this time gleefully anxious.

“No, no, wait. We’re not done yet. Okay, at the party, I’m sure I can organize to have her lose a slipper. And then, for the following weeks, you’ll be playing Secret Admirer. Leave her roses, poems, prose. Leave her things to make her absolutely love your personality. Give her bits of
yourself... actually, yes! Leave hints about who you are!” I started going into a frenzy.

“Compliment her! Yes, yes, ALWAYS compliment her! So while your secret alter ego is wooing her, your true self will also be winning her over!” I may have laughed hysterically a bit. “And then, we’ll play it out like every prince or superhero with an alter ego... we’ll have her be split over your two personas, utterly in love with both, and then... and then... WE’LL REVEAL YOUR SECRET IDENTITY! BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” My cackling erupted into a string of coughs.

Connor snapped out of his horrified and amused reverie to slap me on the back. “Whoa, whoa... calm down there.”

“I—ahem—think I—hem-hem—overdid it...” I took a deep breath. “Anyways, the whole idea is playing off a female’s sensitivity for movie-like moments. And all the while, Connor, don’t forget to pay extra attention to being a gentleman. And while you’re acting the part of the Prince, NEVER reveal your identity until the end.” I took both his shoulders and stared hard at his eyes.

“Not even if she BEGS!”

He gulped. “Okay...”

“And that’s it!” I smiled widely. He smiled along, glad that the normal me was back.

“You get the ‘Mad Scientist of the Year’ award, my dear matchmaker friend.”

“I’m in the business of seduction.” I whispered mysteriously. Connor took it as a joke and laughed.

“Well, I’ve gotta go. Places to see, people to do....” I’m pretty sure he winked on his way out.

Chelsea
I glanced at the things on the table before me. A lighter. A photograph. A watch. A necklace. A slightly soiled napkin. And a ring.

The lighter was Colton’s. One of the first things he ever gave me. We’d met at a business conference for up-and-coming young lawyers. He’d had trouble with his lighter because of a sprained wrist, so I lit his cigar for him. We hit it off and, a month later, were involved in a serious relationship. By then, he’d quit smoking, but I kept the lighter as a memorial.

The photograph was a picture of us the night of our first date. We were so young...so reckless. We’d gone all the way to third base. The picture was of the two of us, on the beach, after we’d just made love.

The watch was a gift from Colton’s mother at the dreadful meeting-of-parents. It really wasn’t that bad, now that I thought about it. His mom was very nice.

The necklace—a memory of the first day we opened Rook & Sinai – Attorneys at Law. It also happened to be the day of our first year anniversary.

The napkin was the result of our last date, at a fancy Italian-Greek restaurant. Yes, I know restaurants like that hardly exist. But we’d found one, and the restaurant we found...

...Happened to be the place where Colton popped the question. And that brings us to the ring. To be honest, we were a slow couple. We did everything one at a time, and a couple weeks after we were sure we were both ready. Well, after four years, he finally proposed. And I’d accepted. So that beautiful, princess-cut, 20 karat rock on the coffee table was the result. It had the words
True Love engraved on the inside. What a lie.

Yes, I loved him. And it may have been true love two to three years ago. But I’d be lying if I said the fire hadn’t died down since then.

Colton was a busy man. Between those first two years and the proposal...

What can I say? We had no relationship. He’d always collapse into bed two hours after I was asleep. We never talked to each other at work. Dinner was an awkward affair of contemporary music and silverware clinking. We’d tried buying a puppy to liven things up—the dog ran away and now lives in a happy little country house. And in the mornings, we were both too tired to make breakfast, let alone conversation.

Then, a couple months ago, I found Carson. He worked part time at a model plane shop across the road from my law office. We met up when I was looking for a model plane for Colton’s fourth year anniversary gift. To sum it up, I came, I saw, I made out with someone I barely knew. Later on, when I found out he lived in the same building as me... things got a little easier. When Colton worked late, I came home early and entertained myself. When Colton slept late, I got up early and had some fun. When Colton was on a business trip... I rented a hotel room.

It was nice. Having some real risk—wasn’t that real romance?

But Colton found out. It couldn’t have lasted anyway, but there were better ways of breaking up. I knew that. Yet I was a stupid, stupid shallow bitch to him. He deserved better. But deep down, I knew I needed more than him